she tryin to get this money for the rent

I have confirmed a fact about the world that I have been suspecting for quite some time. I graduate from college in five days, and have unsurprisingly found that my degree in history and religious studies is helpful for no reasons. All that other shit I did in between school? Great! That's what they want. The school part? Not important.

The sorts of jobs that I am finding that are neat require either experience or a MSW. An MSW requires experience and school, which I already did but in the wrong departments. So here are my choices, according to the internet:

Urine collection specialists ("male applicants needed," it says, but I'm pretty sure that's illegal)
Army Bandperson (I play the piccolo poorly)
Administrative assistant (specifies that much of the work is "repetitive tasks")

Playing the "make rent" game is getting more difficult and less fun. Someone pay me to do something, please. I want to organize books and encourage people and connect resources to people who need resources. Come on, world.

I blame all of you

Nobody told me. NO ONE. I have spent my few decades trying to figure out how to find underwear that don't climb inside my cracks, or tossing aside those whimsically show a slice of my ass. I have tried to go without, which is fantastic until it is winter and my buttcheeks are two little snowballs, burning with cold every time I go inside. And then...I found men's underwear.

Seriously. Nice and roomy in the crotch, so your vag can breathe. Goes down your thighs a little bit to keep the wobblies in order, and I can still wear my pants that have enormous holes in the thighs (this is all of my pants). They also go above your pants and there is no possibility of your crack showing. SERIOUSLY. Amazing.

I am free! I can breathe! No more "fun" designs or 15 shades of pink and no fucking grey!

You all knew. I keep running up to women and excitedly saying "have you heard??" only to hear that they have. You lucky bastards.